In, “Attack of the Clones,” the second episode of the Star Wars saga, Master Yoda says, “Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is.” In my six years of teaching, I have found that Master Yoda is absolutely correct in this. At times, children think so simplistically, while at the same time employing fantastical imaginations. Either way, the results are almost always entertaining. Take our three year old son Joshua for example. I forget what exactly prompted him to say this, but the other day I was doing something where I was standing between him and the television. He looks at me and says, “Come on come on, just sit down ya old man.” It took me off guard so much I just burst out in laughter. I have no idea where he heard that. Here are some other times from this week when kids have just said some of the strangest or funniest stuff to me.
The other day, I was buckling Joshua and Izaiah in the van. Izaiah looked at me and said, “No daddy, I just want to hang on this time.” I looked at him and said, “Izaiah, let’s just make it a rule that whenever we’re in the van driving, you just “hanging on” is not really an option ok buddy?”
Today in first grade one of the boys walked up to me and said, “Mr. Steidl, can I go to the bathroom? I really have to poop. I farted twice already and I think the other kids can smell it.”
One of our first graders stole another one’s Lunchable and had it in his desk. It was the one with crackers, meat, and cheese. He had already opened it and assembled a few of the little sandwiches (it was about 9:30 in the morning mind you). When confronted, he said he shouldn’t get in trouble because he hadn’t actually eaten any of the crackers yet.
My first graders know that my bald spot itches whenever I eat something really spicy. So now, any time I reach up to scratch my bald spot they ask me if I’m eating anything spicy. I’m like, “No, I’ve been standing in front of you talking for 45 minutes. Have you seen me eat anything spicy?”
Our morning discussion question was “If you had a robot and could program it to do anything, what would you do with it?” We had some great answers.
Student – “I would have it take me to Mexico.” Me – “Do you speak Spanish?” Student – “No.” Me – “Then why would you want it to take you to Mexico?” Student – “So I could go shopping.” Me – “You just want to go shopping in Mexico?” Student – “Yes.” Me – “….ok.”
“I would make it dab…and beat up my sister.”
“I would have it transform into dirt bikes and race cars and stuff…..and feed me apples. I really like apples.”
“I just want it to play video games with me.”
“I would have it bring all my dolls to life to have a tea party with me.”
Student – “I would have it turn my lights off for me.” Me – “That’s all you want it to do? You can program it to do anything.” Student – “Yeah, sometimes I get in bed and forget to turn my lights off. I hate that.” Me – “Ok…you know that they already have this thing that you just clap your hands and it turns the lights off.” (Five students clap their hands) “Well we don’t have one in here…but they do have them.” (Disappointed sighs) They spent the rest of the day clapping in each room they went into to see if that room had the clap off lights. They were sorely disappointed each time.
We read this book in first grade by Eric Carle called, The Tiny Seed. In it, one of the flowers gets picked by a boy who gives it to a girl. Well, the book says that he gives it to a friend. Of course when the kids sawthat it’s a boy giving a flower to a girl they all yelled “Eeeewwww.” One girl in the front row turned around and said “No guys they’re just friends” (Air quotes as she says just friends). Then she winked and they all yelled, “Eeeeeewwwww!!!!” even louder.
I made the mistake of telling a knock knock joke to the kindergarten kids at lunch. There is nothing worse than 15 min of kindergarteners making up their own knock knock jokes…except 20 min of them making up their own knock knock jokes. That would be worse. Here were some of them.
Knock Knock. Who’s there? Chicken nuggets and super stackers. Chicken nuggets and super stackers who? (blank stare looking at me then) …….IT’S YOU!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! They all laughed uproariously. I didn’t get it.
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mr. Steidl. Mr. Steidl who? ……IT’S YOU!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! Same punchline. I still didn’t get it.
Finally I made one up. Knock knock. Who’s there? Mr. Steidl. Mr. Steidl who? Mr. Steidl who doesn’t want to hear any more knock knock jokes! BAHAHAHA!!!!…. now they didn’t get it.
But yeah. That was my day today.